How can I give someone a goat when I don’t have a goat?

My nephew is a very smart kindergartner. For Christmas, my husband and I donated money to World Vision in his name, and each month in the year 2010, he will receive a card from World Vision describing an animal he has given to a family in need. The concept has made little sense to him, and my parents, who receive the cards, have been charged with fielding question like, “How can I give someone a goat when I don’t have a goat?”

While I was on the phone with him last weekend, he asked me a similar question. I told him that we gave money to an organization that has animals to give away. We buy milk in a carton from a grocery store, but milk comes from cows, right? And not everyone has a grocery store from which to buy milk. People in other countries don’t have Walmarts. They don’t have grocery stores. If they want food, they must raise the food themselves. And they don’t always have money for food. So the money we sent buys the families the animals they need so they can have food.

“Don’t they at least have a Target?” he asked.

Like I said, my nephew is a very smart kindergartner. He is also an American. Milk comes from cartons. Chicken comes from McDonalds. Vegetables come from the produce section of the local grocery store. Without Target, where would we get food?

I’m an adult, and I ask the same sorts of questions he’s asking. I can tell you where we get milk and how chicken nuggets come to be. I can also tell you the basic process of how my clothing is made. How I get heat. How I wash my clothes. How my computer works. I know a little bit about all these things, but like most people, I don’t know very much. More than a five year-old, and less than I should.

I’m reading The Swarm by Frank Schatzing. It’s a science fiction novel about what would happen if the ocean started to fight back against the human population that was destroying its ecosystem. Scientists have created a simulator that gives a general idea of how the ocean works. Here’s a passage from the book:

“[The simulator] was a way of taming the ocean, albeit in miniature. Created by man from second-hand experience, the world inside it was an idealized copy of the real thing. People knew less about reality than they did about its substitutes. Children in America drew six-legged chickens because drumsticks came in packs of six, while adults drank milk from a carton, and recoiled at the sight of an udder. Their experience of the world was stunted, but it only fueled their arrogance. Bohrmann was enthused by the simulator and the possibilities it offered, but imitating life rather than analyzing it could make science blind. Understanding the planet was no longer enough for most people; they are intent on trying to change it. In the Disneyland of botched science, human intervention was forever being justified in new and disturbing ways.”

Stewardship of our planet is an idea I've circled in several recent blog posts. I haven’t really nailed down what stewardship looks like, and I suppose it’s because I’m not sure. The Bible is clear, however, that we are supposed to be taking care of the earth. It’s our responsibility. And you don’t have to be a Christian to believe that. The most vocal advocates for our planet are not Christians.

As Christians, we know the Creator. Should we be stepping up to defend creation?

I don’t save many things, but here are a handful of things I have saved:

1. In high school, my friend Sarah sewed me a white pillow with palm trees on it. I don’t use the pillow any more, but I can’t give it away because she made it for me.
2. In college, my roommate Melissa made me a small vase in her pottery class. I don’t keep in touch with Melissa anymore, but I still have the vase.
3. My mom sewed me the dress I wore to my high school graduation. I don’t have any clothes saved from high school except that dress.
4. My husband’s Aunt Debbie made us a boxful of knickknacks. I don’t have anywhere to display them, but I have them stored in a box in our storage closet.
5. I have pictures frames made by my friends Jennifer, Sarah, and Colleen that I still display.
6. For our wedding, my friend Jen painted a picture of me and my husband. I still haven’t found the perfect place to hang it, but it’s carefully stored until I do.
7. I have a book of photographs my younger sister took displayed as prominently as expensive coffee table books.
8. I replaced a very pretty Pier One tissue box with one featuring pictures my 2 year-old niece colored.

Like I said, I don’t save many things, but I will probably keep these things forever. I won’t keep them because they will be worth money someday. I won’t keep them because they are so important in the grand scheme of my life, marking monumental moments or special times. I will keep them because I know their creators. I love their creators. And because I know and love their creators, I feel compelled to respect and keep the creation.

If we know the Creator, and if this Creator has charged us with taking care of His creation, don’t we have a responsibility to do so? And conversely, if we draw close to His creation - if we do our best to understand, experience, and respect it - , won’t we then be drawing close to the Creator? Won’t we then be understanding, experiencing, and respecting Him?

Could our stunted view of creation be fueling our arrogance? Maybe we need to take several steps back and considered the sacrifices creation is making for our comfort. Maybe we need to remember that we are here to care for the earth, and if we don’t, we will eventually lose the resources we need to take care of us. And maybe, if we started to think more about where we really get milk and chicken and heat and clothes, our Creator could begin to strip away our pride.

Cinderella Story

I couldn’t decide if this was too cheesy to post, so I’m going to let you tell me. If you hate it, e-mail me, and I will stick to non-sentimental blog posts.

They call the bandeau tops women can wear underneath low-cut shirts ‘showstoppers.’ Using is one is like putting a black bar across one’s chest. They are perfect for all the adorable triangle-topped tank-tops and dresses women pull out of their closets each summer. If one doesn’t own a showstopper, she can sew a permanent piece of cloth into her clothing. Finding fabric to sew into several dresses was my mission last weekend.

It turns out that in our world of fast food and convenience stores, finding fabric isn’t all that easy. Even Wal-Mart, which used to have a large fabric selection, is in the process of removing fabric from their stores. The Wal-Mart nearest us does not have a fabric section, although they do sell clothes, the employee told me.

The only other place I could think to buy fabric was Jo-Ann Fabrics. I punched the store into my iPhone, and I found there was one several miles away from Wal-Mart. The parking lot was nearly empty, although the Old Navy next door looked busy.

There used to be a Jo-Ann Fabrics in the town in which I grew up. My mom, who stayed home to raise me and my sister, spent a lot of time at Jo-Ann Fabrics. My dad worked hard, and he worked a lot, but we didn’t have a lot of money, and my mom sewed us what she couldn’t find us at garage sales. For Easter one year, she sewed me a black floral-print dress with puffed sleeves. I’d gotten the idea that puffed sleeves were stylish from Anne of Green Gables, not noting that the book was written one hundred years before I was even born. I loved that dress, and it’s always stuck out to me as a physical reminder that my mom loves me. I know a dress that intricate had to have been a lot of work, and I felt like heaven headed to church that Sunday.

I haven’t been in Jo-Ann Fabrics since I was a little girl. And the Jo-Ann Fabrics I headed to last week wasn’t the same Jo-Ann Fabrics I spent time in as a little girl. It wasn’t even in the same state. But I walked into the store and it smelled exactly like childhood. It’s funny how smells can transport you to different places and time periods just as easily as sights.

I was looking for black fabric, but first I found myself standing in front of a deep purple silk. It was exactly the fabric I would have stood in front of as a child. As little girls bored to death with Vogue patterns and yard sticks, my sister and I would peruse the fabrics, touching them and draping them over our heads. I used to imagine fantastic outfits out of purple silks and pink satins. I imagined the full skirts and puffed sleeves and lacy veils and gloves I would wear when my father discovered he was actually ancient Scottish royalty and my sister and I were Scottish princesses who now needed to dress in the finest fabrics Jo-Ann Fabrics of small-town Minnesota had to offer.

I planned the simple green dresses and plaid skirts I would wear to my day job as an English teacher. I dreamed of the red pencil skirts and black cocktail gowns I would wear to the fantastic parties I attended after school where Prince Charming would meet me and hurry away with me to his castle in Monaco. My life would be exactly like the life of Grace Kelly, the beautiful Hollywood actress turned princess.

In a long time, I hadn’t felt so close to childhood as I did standing in the Jo-Ann Fabrics entrance. I actually called my mom to tell her because Jo-Ann Fabrics didn’t feel the same without her.

With my childhood visions of adulthood reincarnated, I left the store thinking how differently life always turns out than how you imagine as a child. Things don’t happen how you imagine, and they don’t often happen how you hope, but they happen, and in some ways my childhood dreams have come true.

Childhood Dream 1: My father discovered he was long-lost Scottish royalty, and my family moved to our castle in Europe (which looked exactly like the Biltmore House we had visited in North Carolina).

This did not happen. My parents remained in the house in which I grew up until after I left for college. Our house was not a castle, and we never even visited Europe. My parents do not have plans to move there, nor do I.

I did, however, write a book based on my real family history. It’s just as messy as the royal family’s history. And it’s just as fascinating. Both of my parents grew up in broken homes, and they were destined to become adults as broken as the ones who raised them. And then, shortly before they met, they both discovered they were long-lost royalty. They belonged to a Kingdom, one with ultimate riches and the ultimate happy ending. They embraced their true identity, and I grew up knowing I was more than the sum of my parts. I belonged to the Kingdom.

Childhood Dream 2: I grew up to be an English teacher in a small town with pupils as charming as the students Anne of Green Gables taught.

I am not an English teacher. But I do write, and I hope my words inspire you more than if I spent my blog posts teaching you the parts of speech. And my husband will tell you that I do spend an awful lot of time correcting other people’s grammar, so maybe, in some small way, I am an English teacher.

Childhood Dream 3: I spend my evenings at fabulous parties.

I rarely go to fabulous parties. And the last two times I went to nightclubs, I found myself appalled at the behavior of young people these days. Everything was so much different in 2001 when I was frequenting night clubs. People were decent then (no, they weren’t; I know that). I go to friend’s houses and movies. I spend my evenings watching TV, folding laundry, and reading e-mails.

I recently did, however, attend a ball. I got to wear a beautiful new dress and dark lipstick. There was dinner and dancing and beautiful people. I went with a friend, and the party was fabulous.

I no longer define fabulous as the atmosphere, although I don’t think I did as a child either because the fabulous parties I attended in my fantasies were always attended by my little sister and Kristen and Joel, our best friends, and my parents. I suppose I’ve realized what makes life fabulous.

Childhood Dream 4: Prince Charming.

By the time I was frequenting Jo-Ann Fabrics, I had seen enough Disney movies to know that no princess was complete without a prince. My prince is not really a prince. He does not walk around in a white suit, and I don’t wander our house in sparkly blue silk. He did not pull me out of a deep sleep, rescue me from a poison apple, or save me from evil stepsisters. He has, however, saved the day many times, he is nearly always charming, and he has brought me more than one pair of shoes that would put Cinderella’s glass slippers to shame. And as I’m writing, I’m tempted to put on the tiara I bought for our wedding day. This princess couldn’t imagine life without her prince charming.

Childhood Dream 5: A stylish wardrobe with the most expensive, jewel-tones, sparkly, shiny fabric Jo-Ann Fabrics carries.

I don’t shop at Jo-Ann Fabrics. I don’t own a sewing machine. I shop at the mall, and I can barely sew on a button. I do, however, believe I have a stylish wardrobe. I have plenty of jewel-tones. I have lots of things that sparkle and shine. As I write, I am wearing a pink t-shirt with Barbie screen printed on it and a sparkly black vest (and no, I didn’t plan that; I just decided I wanted to wear it today). My idea of the perfect outfit may no longer include a dress with a full pink skirt, a diamond-studded bodice, and cap sleeves…on second thought, that still sounds pretty great. Mom, are you up for another sewing project?


I hadn’t gone into Jo-Ann Fabrics that day looking for fabric that my personal seamstress could sew into a Cinderella gown for the royal ball I was attending that weekend. I had gone in for black fabric. But when I left, I knew: no matter what happens, or how it happens, or how long it takes to happen, or how many obstacles stand in the way, I will live happily ever after. After all, I already have.

Truth in Twilight

Arthur Holmes said all truth is God’s truth. I come back to that thought when I hear wisdom in odd places. For instance, I saw Bon Jovi in concert Monday night, and he said, “I’m a firm believer that we make all decisions based on one of two things: fear or love.” Not bad, right? Holmes’ quote popped into my mind again this morning while reading the Twilight series.

I am fifty pages from the end of Breaking Dawn, the last book in the series.* To catch you up to speed on the plot without giving too much away (I hope, but don’t read ahead if you absolutely hate spoilers), the series is about two star-crossed lovers: Edward and Bella. Bella is a human who meets (and falls madly in love with) Edward. The problem is that Edward is a vampire. Although he and his family adhere to a strictly “vegetarian” diet (only sucking the blood of animals), he is attracted to human blood, especially Bella’s. Edward’s vegetarian family plays a large role in the series, and the reader learns of their unending (because they are immortal) struggles to avoid human blood in a world populated mostly by humans.In the scene I read this morning, Edward’s family has invited some vampire guests, ones who suck the blood of humans, to take a stand against a force that wants to destroy the Cullens (Edward’s family). Here is the quote I’d like to share:

“I have witnessed the bonds within this family. These strange ones deny their very natures. But in return have they found something worth even more, perhaps, than mere gratification of desire? I’ve made a little study of them in my time here, and it seems to me that intrinsic to this intense family binding - that which makes them possible at all - is the peaceful character of this life of sacrifice. There is no aggression here. There is no thought for domination… I came to witness. I stay to fight. The [evil ones] care nothing for us. They seek the death of our free will.” -Garrett in Breaking Dawn

God’s truth is loaded in Garrett’s words. Like the vampires in Twilight, temptation surrounds us on all sides in this human world. We may not crave blood, but we crave revenge, sex, attention, beauty, money, status, power, and strength. The list goes on. We crave mere gratification of our desires.

What if we strove for something more? What if we denied our very nature? What if we sought a life of sacrifice? Would we find our bonds with those around us deepen? Could a life of pursuing something higher than our own desires tighten the bonds not only with the One we pursue but with those around us, both those pursuing the same goal and those not pursuing it?

Garrett, a human-blood-sucking vampire, has witnessed the non-human-blood-sucking lifestyle while staying with the Cullens. The Cullens never asked Garrett to stop sucking human blood. They never condemned his lifestyle. They merely welcomed Garrett into their home and hunted animal prey. Without a word from the Cullens, Garrett witnessed their bond. He came to witness, but he loved what he saw, and he stayed to fight with them.

There is another scene in the series where a particular vegetarian vampire (not naming names - or gender so I will refer to this vampire as ‘it’ - because I’m trying to give away as little as possible) is hunting animals when it picks up the scent of humans. This vampire, in its quest for blood, begins pursuing the human. But when the vampire realizes it’s human blood it is running toward, it stops. Not only does the vampire stop, it immediately turns and runs in the other direction as fast as possible. It wants to get as far away from the temptation as it can.

Can we follow this example in our lives? When temptation crosses our path, can we stop? Further, can we run away as fast as we can? Can we choose a life of sacrifice over a life of self-gratification?

God has given us free will. He doesn’t take it away, but we can abandon it. Everyone has made the wrong choice too many times and found themselves enslaved to something. Everyone has had a desire turn into a need. Everyone has lost control. Everyone has found themselves without free will: a slave to poor decisions.

A life of sacrifice leads to God. It leads to freedom. Self-gratification leads to Satan. And Satan cares nothing for us. He seeks the death of our free will.

*I’ve heard plenty of complaints about Stephenie Meyers’ writing skills. As a writer, I too occasionally cringe at her word choices, but, like I said, I am fifty pages from the end of Breaking Dawn, which means I have spent about 2,000 pages with Bella, Edward, and Jacob. She must be doing something right.
Meyers has the same writing problems as writers like John Grisham or Nicholas Sparks. She isn’t a writer’s writer, but she continues to top the charts and her books continue to be made into movies. She won’t spin breathtaking sentences, but she will spellbind you with an exciting, unpredictable story. And who doesn’t want to collapse on the couch at the end of the day and just read something fun every once in a while?

Food?

Our household is undergoing a transformation. In December, I decided to become a vegetarian. After reading Skinny Bitch at the recommendation of a friend, I decided to become vegan. I wasn’t really sure I could follow through with it. I’m still not sure if I can follow through with it.

It sort-of happened overnight in the way many things do. That is, it didn’t really happen overnight. I haven’t wanted to eat meat for a long time. I would make chicken pasta and pick around the chicken. When I am only preparing meals for myself, I’d always make vegetarian meals. I haven’t eaten pork since 9th grade.

I have no idea what prompted me to start researching vegetarianism. If I remember correctly (I should because it was only a few months ago), it was boredom. My husband was watching TV, and I didn’t feel like it. I went upstairs and started surfing the internet. When I came back down, I’d just decided I’d become a vegetarian. It seemed to happen just like that, but I’m sure it didn’t. I’m sure it’s something I’d been considering for a long time. An idea on the back burner that I’d never let boil into action.

Then all these things started happening all at once. I started reading Skinny Bitch because a friend told me to read it. I owned the book even before I had made the decision to become a vegetarian. Truth be told, I didn’t even know it was about veganism. I thought it was about calorie-counting or mean-spiritedness. And then I read Alicia Silverstone’s The Kind Diet because I watched Clueless nearly every day after school for about six months after it came out on VHS. The part of me who wanted to be Cher in high school still hasn’t died, I guess, because I saw Alicia Silverstone on the cover of the book and bought it. I wanted to be on the kind diet even if I had no idea what the kind diet was. And it was about veganism too. And then my mother-in-law showed me an Oprah episode on the food industry. And just last night, Dave and I decided to watch Food Inc., which had more to do with genetically modifying food than veganism, but it was still a wake-up call into the way the food industry works.

After my declaration of veganism, my mother-in-law decided she was going to become a pescatarian (one who avoids all meat except fish). My mom and my husband decided to cut back on meat products. Even my dad, who has shown only marginal interest in health food in the past, has asked questions about it. My friends were interested in my decision. They wanted to read the books I was reading. They wanted copies of the recipes I was going to make. They started sending me names of vegan cookbooks. One friend gave me Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. I expected resistance, and instead I received support.

Last night, I made a conscious effort to make my first vegan meal. I made Dave a regular chicken breast just in case he hated the vegan one. But he ended up liking the vegan one more, to both our surprise. And he’s swooning over my vegan, gluten-free, refined sugar-free banana bread.

I feel like I’ve opened a door to a brand-new world. People have asked me if I’ve felt any changes in my body since starting this new way of living. I’ve been eight weeks off meat and zero weeks completely off dairy and eggs, although I intend to fully commit to the lifestyle after our trip to Hawaii next week. I haven’t been home a full week since mid-December, and I didn’t think I could realistically avoid all dairy while traveling so much. It’s probably too soon to say if I’ve noticed any changes in my health. But the one thing I do feel is happier.

A clip in Food Inc. shows pigs being rounded up into a steel pen. Someone presses a button and the steel pen collapses in on the pigs. Terrified squeals are instantly silenced. I realized that I haven’t wanted to participate in that death trap for a long time. I can live with myself better when I’m not choosing to live with that.

I encourage you to see Food Inc. I’m certainly not here to guilt you in to doing anything. In fact, I’m writing this blog post more for myself than anyone else (what is blogging if not an act of narcissism at some level, right?). The more I tell people I’m going to do this, the harder it will be for me to quit.

Everyone has to make their own moral decisions, and I definitely believe there are moral ways to eat meat. But to paraphrase Randy Pausch, just because we’re in the driver’s seat doesn’t mean we have to run everything over. We are given stewardship over the earth, and I believe we need to ask ourselves if we’re doing the best we can do to take care of it.

The Jungle

“The jungle is dark but full of diamonds.” Arthur Miller

Everyone has been in the jungle. And in the midst of the jungle, we often only see the darkness. We are tripping over thick vines and stumbling on jagged rocks. We are cursing the darkness. The diamonds often glitter only once we have stepped back into the light.

I went to the wedding of a college roommate this weekend. My closest friends from college and I have scattered to different states, so far apart that the only time we are all together is at weddings. No matter the miles that separate us, there is an instant camaraderie when we are in the same room. There is something binding about three people crammed into a 1000 square-foot apartment year after school year.

As college friends do, we reflected on college, a jungle for all of us in ways that we sometimes shared and other times kept to ourselves. We told the same stories we’d told before, and we told new ones, our memories shaped by passed time. The jungle no longer seemed so frightening as we reflected on it from our perch in the sun. Found in the jungle, carried into the light, and reflecting life and beauty, we sparkled. Diamonds.

I know people in the jungle. It’s so dark that they can’t even see far enough to grasp the hand of the person struggling next to them. There are diamonds, friend. You might not see them until you are ten years further down life’s path, but at some point you will look behind you and the horizon will be a halo, blinding you with its sparkle.


“All that glitters is not gold, not all who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be a blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.” JRR Tolkien